Relationships Redux

Brandy, who you have read about here before, and I have some pretty great conversations. Now that the drama of her living situation and life no longer cloud everything, including our friendship, we've spent a lot of time talking about our choices in the last year or so.

One of the biggest revelations for her has been to put her primary relationship into perspective. Primary, because although he's married, she focused her main energies on him, which wasn't really leaving her open for new opportunites, or the chance to really be happy with someone else that would give her a relationship that wasn't built on clandestine meetings, half-truths, and manipulations. Instead, she's felt like she's a bit disrepected and holds the runner-up position in his life.

I'd thought it was finally over, because she up and ended it the day after Christmas -- a decision she made when she finally realized that she wasn't special enough to him to be... special. I was shocked when she told me. Years of this struggle internally and suddenly she turned a corner! But her resolve hasn't completely lasted. He called, cried, apologized, wooed... and back she is again. I sighed heavily when she told me they were rendezvousing next week, which is what prompted our conversation tonight.

We had a good get-together over some dinner, a perfect foil to muse and ponder why she is settling for being second best, and why it isn't preferable to be first in someone's life. What keeps her from ending it and taking that risk with someone else? Ironically, this seems to be a popular theme this month. I need almost two hands to count the number of people currrently involved in relationships that are not reciprocal.

She talked about them being possible soulmates, having a connection that has grown over the years, even though perhaps they've only been together a half a dozen or so times. But he's told her he's not leaving his wife, that he loves his wife and they have a life together. And so, she's caught in this cyclic dance where their relationship is this off and on again thing, and each time she comes away a little more hurt and wishing for something more. It's hard to stand by and watch this, and after a point I feel I can say no more... she has to find her strength, and she has to make the best decision for her.

Recently he's rather insensitively told her about his other exploits, under the guise of saying, hey, without the confidence you've given me with your love and adulation, making me feel all young and sexy, I would never have had the courage to do this or that [sexually]. She was a bit taken aback. I think disgusted, too, when she learned some of the details.

But... back she goes and I can only hope she's building a stronger shield around her heart this time.

And me? Well, recent events have left me open to opportunity and a desire to explore, and yes, that even includes a new willingness to try some [sexual] experimentation I wasn't ready for before.