Heh. So Babs posted a comment about me being a romantic. Yes... my secret is out, I am a romantic! Hopefully, I'm also a realist. I'm the kind of woman who remembers details about lover. I might not remember that he told me something about his job yesterday, because I'm more focused on how he is saying it, so I can sense his moods and needs. And then later, I can offer him something to help balance out his day, relax him, bring him peace and happiness.
I know his favorite color, movie, dinner, book, music... and everything I hope will make for treating him with a luxury he deserves. It's more about what he needs than what I need -- as it always has been when I've given my heart -- because my experience is that when you give, you receive.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Friday, January 26, 2007
What Do I Know?
Well, I think that I know all relationships are work. I don't believe you fall in love and that magical feeling of limerence will last forever, but I have friends that do and are either naiive or foolish in their thinking. I know some people blindly believe that true love will result in an effortless companionship that is perfectly in sync all the time. That's a nice fantasy! It happens in movies and books all the time. Unfortunately, it's also pap passed down to a society eager to believe it.
As a result, they're unhappy with themselves and with others, and begin to imagine, compare, or reminisce about what might have been or could be instead of investing in what is. If in a relationship, they fail to make something that they once felt was worthwhile into something more precious, or simply give up, because of this unrealistic view and often end up commiting some disrespectful act that hurts the very people they claim to care about. They give up a rare coin for a chance at what might be nothing more than a chest of fool's gold, which is sad.
I don't know what to tell them that they'll be able to hear, when the sad and/or tearful calls come in. They're convinced something is missing... well, yes there is. Effort. Communication. Patience. Understanding. Committment. As a friend, it's difficult to watch someone you care about turn away from someone they said they loved, superficially filling the holes with someone else or moving onto the next flirtation and objet de coeur -- to get their needs met. They are doomed to repeat this pattern like the repairing of karma in future incarnations, until they learn... and lose.
Then there are people like me. Willing to trust so easily, giving from the first spark, caring, supportive, and attentive. The work to maintain a relationship is neither a scary or insurmountable task. We expect there will be good, and bad, times and accept our responsibility and role in that. We hope we're wise enough to know when to give our lovers the space they need, and when not to withdraw so much that they feel you've abandoned them. We'll take your dark, bad moods and try to make them sunny, or just let you stew... as long as you communicate if it's something we've said or done, or not, so patience and understanding is key.
What do people like me expect in return? Well, aside from intimacy, we just want to make you smile, and for you to make us smile in return. Laughter and light whenever possible -- the bad times are a given and hopefully rare. Never having to ask if you care about or love us. To be your first thought in the morning and last thought at night... and sometimes in between.
How I thrill when my phone rings when you're just getting started with your day in the morning, and warm to hear your voice at the end of the night.
As a result, they're unhappy with themselves and with others, and begin to imagine, compare, or reminisce about what might have been or could be instead of investing in what is. If in a relationship, they fail to make something that they once felt was worthwhile into something more precious, or simply give up, because of this unrealistic view and often end up commiting some disrespectful act that hurts the very people they claim to care about. They give up a rare coin for a chance at what might be nothing more than a chest of fool's gold, which is sad.
I don't know what to tell them that they'll be able to hear, when the sad and/or tearful calls come in. They're convinced something is missing... well, yes there is. Effort. Communication. Patience. Understanding. Committment. As a friend, it's difficult to watch someone you care about turn away from someone they said they loved, superficially filling the holes with someone else or moving onto the next flirtation and objet de coeur -- to get their needs met. They are doomed to repeat this pattern like the repairing of karma in future incarnations, until they learn... and lose.
Then there are people like me. Willing to trust so easily, giving from the first spark, caring, supportive, and attentive. The work to maintain a relationship is neither a scary or insurmountable task. We expect there will be good, and bad, times and accept our responsibility and role in that. We hope we're wise enough to know when to give our lovers the space they need, and when not to withdraw so much that they feel you've abandoned them. We'll take your dark, bad moods and try to make them sunny, or just let you stew... as long as you communicate if it's something we've said or done, or not, so patience and understanding is key.
What do people like me expect in return? Well, aside from intimacy, we just want to make you smile, and for you to make us smile in return. Laughter and light whenever possible -- the bad times are a given and hopefully rare. Never having to ask if you care about or love us. To be your first thought in the morning and last thought at night... and sometimes in between.
How I thrill when my phone rings when you're just getting started with your day in the morning, and warm to hear your voice at the end of the night.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
This is for Jean...
One of those online quizzes I knew that she and I would fall into giggles about:
Also, she knows I can get obsessive about things, well, when Kathy told me she might look for a job down San Diego way, I was looking through the housing ads on Craig's List. I found the only house within 1,000 miles that had a purple-painted fireplace.
| You Should Paint Your Room Purple |
 Sophisticated and exotic, purple can also be a deeply comforting color. Your purple room will inspire you to trust yourself more and go with your intuition. Purple has also been known to facilitate healing and a feeling of protection. |
Also, she knows I can get obsessive about things, well, when Kathy told me she might look for a job down San Diego way, I was looking through the housing ads on Craig's List. I found the only house within 1,000 miles that had a purple-painted fireplace.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Revelation
For those who have been following my posts, here and on my Myspace, it's probably pretty apparent that I recently met someone, quite by surprise, more than a month ago, and I've embarked down that twisty path that might lead to a relationship. Some of you know that after the ultimate betrayal, disrespect, and lies I experienced with Eric, I swore it would likely be a cold day in hell before I took this trip again. I didn't mean it, but... it's what you say, you know.
Well, it looks like I bought a ticket. Question is... is it a one-way or roundtrip? Not knowing the destination can be scary, or it can be an adventure. The latter has always been my style -- traveling to the Yucatan alone, knowing only five words in Spanish, and to some of the more remote sections of the peninsula. Exploring New Mexico, Native American pueblos, and Anasazi ruins by myself, with just a rental car and a well-marked map. Breaking away at conferences to walk around in towns I've never visited. I like to see what's new. Apparently that carries through with people.
Though the adventure began in December, the previous weekend we explored it further. Chris and I share so much in common that sometimes it's freakily uncanny. Of course, both having been hurt by ex-loves in similar ways gives us an immediate common ground, and hopefully it's a lesson we've both learned that is not to be repeated. Both of us having been involved with people who have lied and disrespected us, as well as themselves (and their current partners) makes us wary. But we're also very loving and trusting too.
Our likes and dislikes criss-cross like meridians intersecting at key points. I'm surprised with the ease I find in our talking and being together, his voice a soothing balm for my frazzled days and sweet lullabye for my nights. And damn if we don't fit so well together when making love that I could not stop from remarking, very often, how right it felt... so different than with those in my past.
A small voice inside whispers loudly, "Too soon, too soon..." while another urges me to be open to possibilities and take a chance. All I can do is put my faith and trust in that which guides me, and not let my concerns block me. Or the lies and selfish actions of others who, for their own motives, would wish us unhappiness.
It's been nice to feel awake again, to physically and mentally stretch as though a long slumber has ended. To feel a blossoming like the desert after a monsoon.
Well, it looks like I bought a ticket. Question is... is it a one-way or roundtrip? Not knowing the destination can be scary, or it can be an adventure. The latter has always been my style -- traveling to the Yucatan alone, knowing only five words in Spanish, and to some of the more remote sections of the peninsula. Exploring New Mexico, Native American pueblos, and Anasazi ruins by myself, with just a rental car and a well-marked map. Breaking away at conferences to walk around in towns I've never visited. I like to see what's new. Apparently that carries through with people.
Though the adventure began in December, the previous weekend we explored it further. Chris and I share so much in common that sometimes it's freakily uncanny. Of course, both having been hurt by ex-loves in similar ways gives us an immediate common ground, and hopefully it's a lesson we've both learned that is not to be repeated. Both of us having been involved with people who have lied and disrespected us, as well as themselves (and their current partners) makes us wary. But we're also very loving and trusting too.
Our likes and dislikes criss-cross like meridians intersecting at key points. I'm surprised with the ease I find in our talking and being together, his voice a soothing balm for my frazzled days and sweet lullabye for my nights. And damn if we don't fit so well together when making love that I could not stop from remarking, very often, how right it felt... so different than with those in my past.
A small voice inside whispers loudly, "Too soon, too soon..." while another urges me to be open to possibilities and take a chance. All I can do is put my faith and trust in that which guides me, and not let my concerns block me. Or the lies and selfish actions of others who, for their own motives, would wish us unhappiness.
It's been nice to feel awake again, to physically and mentally stretch as though a long slumber has ended. To feel a blossoming like the desert after a monsoon.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Vegas, baby!
But not the way I like it! Press runs at odd hours, however, at least the hotel room is free, whee! Looking forward to the change of scenery though, but after the last two deadlines, frankly, I could use a couple of days and nights up at a spa in Napa or at a coastal retreat in Laguna Nigel.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
What is With People Lately?
The sheer amount of people I've encountered in the last two years that have some odd sense of self-importance and self-entitlement -- at least from what they spew forth -- is almost staggering. Where do these people get these ideas? Okay, for some I know it's drugs, or some kind of mental imbalance, or both... and for some it's just self esteem so low, it's below sea level. But why take others down just because you're the one that feels hurt, abused, lied to and deceived, etc.? I've never understood people who put out the "take my ball and go home attitude" -- I've always left with an open heart and willingness to share. Karmically, if just doesn't pay to be selfish.
Also... ick. Brandy's cat, Saturn, just started to wheeze and keeled over, with no precursors. She called me hysterically and I ran over to tend to her and the situation, pacing and waiting for a cab because no one was around to offer a ride at that hour. By the time I got to her door, which actually wound up only being about 10 minutes, the cat was totally still and rag doll limp -- and she was a mess. Ugh. Had to body bag it for Animal Care and Control and put it in the carrier for her to take in... and put the carrier in the car trunk so she didn't have to stare at it all night. Then scrubbed and mopped the floor, packed up all the toys and supplies, which I brought home with me. What a sad day.
At least I had a warm, soft voice to end my day with pleasant dreams.
Also... ick. Brandy's cat, Saturn, just started to wheeze and keeled over, with no precursors. She called me hysterically and I ran over to tend to her and the situation, pacing and waiting for a cab because no one was around to offer a ride at that hour. By the time I got to her door, which actually wound up only being about 10 minutes, the cat was totally still and rag doll limp -- and she was a mess. Ugh. Had to body bag it for Animal Care and Control and put it in the carrier for her to take in... and put the carrier in the car trunk so she didn't have to stare at it all night. Then scrubbed and mopped the floor, packed up all the toys and supplies, which I brought home with me. What a sad day.
At least I had a warm, soft voice to end my day with pleasant dreams.
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